A reader from Wisconsin sent in this timely question for August:
It feels like summer is almost over already and most of our friends have gone on road trips, been on vacations or gone to concerts and other fun events. But we haven’t done anything special or exciting. It seems like we can hardly keep up with the regular schedule of activities for our kids and jobs and that doesn’t leave room for fun stuff. 

I love my family, but I feel like I am missing out on summer. It’s so disappointing since we don’t get that much summer weather here, and it makes me sad that we aren’t having more adventures or doing more memorable summer stuff. I don’t see how I’m going to change this, but I’m tired of missing out on what summer should be. What can I do?

As a Mom of kids who did summer sports, I understand that summer can mean a full schedule in its own way. I have felt this summer fear of missing out at times over the years. Summer can seem fleeting in the Upper Midwest; however, now I understand that I get to decide how I define a great summer regardless of where we go.

Right now, your story says you haven’t done anything exciting and you are missing out on summer, and it likely seems factual to you. Our brains have a way of convincing us that our thoughts are true and if we just changed our situation then we would feel better. 

You choose the story you tell about your summer, regardless of the list of activities you do or the location you are in. By telling yourself that you are missing out by not going to other places and doing other things you create your feeling of disappointment. 

Interestingly, if we surveyed other people in similar situations to you, we would find they don’t all believe they are missing out. Sure, they may still also want to have those other adventures, but not all of those people are telling themselves they are missing out.

Missing out is something you define for yourself; it doesn’t mean the same thing for everyone. Your definition is what creates your present experience. But you can choose what you think of your summer. Regardless of your schedule and location, you can create memorable and exciting experiences. I know that when I focused on what I was missing out on, I risked missing out on what was right in front of me.

It doesn’t mean you won’t still want to travel more or do other things, but there is a difference between choosing to think about those things as something you want to do rather than something you are missing out on. It’s OK to feel both disappointed that you aren’t going on that vacation and excited about the memories you are making right where you are. 

The fear of missing out makes it sound like we are afraid of not getting to do things, but we are actually afraid of not feeling the feelings we associate with those activities. While you may not be able to add in all of the summer adventures your friends have done, you can decide how you want to make the most of the summer in your way. There are many paths to a memorable summer. How will you define yours?

Do you have a question for a Master Certified Life Coach? Please send your questions to kari@heykarianne.com OR submit via the “Ask Kari” page at heykarianne.com.