This week's reader/client question is a common one for many clients: “Please help, I want to stop checking my phone constantly.”

It is amazing that we can look up an answer to almost any question while out to dinner with friends by just using our phones, but there are certainly drawbacks to this constant accessibility to our phones, social media, and other apps. 

As my client shared, “It feels like I can’t stop checking my phone. It doesn’t matter if I’m on a tight deadline or talking to my husband about something important, if I can see my phone near me I feel compelled to check it to see if I have anything new. 

I have tried turning off the notifications and putting it on “do not disturb” or even just turning it off. Often it seems like I just want to check it even more. I guess I’m afraid I might be missing something, but I also just like knowing I am getting a message and seeing the notification even though it is rarely anything important. I know that if I have my phone anywhere nearby I will be distracted as soon as I see or hear the notification.

I feel so guilty that I keep checking my phone. I know that the time I am spending on it is pulling me away from conversations and connections or even just doing the things I actually want to be doing, but it just seems like I am unable to get myself to kick this habit.”

Our phones and these apps don’t give us a literal sugar high like our favorite treat might when we give in to the temptation, but our brains do still get a little hit of a reward every time we give in to an urge to check our phone. And, unfortunately, the more we repeat this process, the more these urges to check our phones can build. 

If you were to slow this “checking” process down, you would notice there is an uncomfortable feeling that comes up when you want to check your phone. The whole reason your brain wants to pick up the phone is to get relief from this discomfort, but unfortunately when you do that the cycle continues to build. 

The good news is that there is a way to shift this. It isn’t flashy or fancy, but in time and with practice you can change this behavior. 

The first step is to really notice when you have the urge to check your phone. Without awareness, you are just on autopilot. Then, instead of battling against this desire to check, practice allowing the urge to be there without reacting. This might look like taking a deep breath and paying attention to how you feel in your body when you aren’t reactively checking your phone. 

The urge to pick up your phone may or may not pass, and this might feel clunky at first. You may still choose to pick up your phone after pausing sometimes, but that doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong. The goal is to increasingly become aware of the power you have at that moment to intentionally decide how you want to respond.

With practice and repetition, you can change your behavior around your phone. Paying attention to the urge to check your phone allows you to start responding to it with intention.

Do you have a question for a Master Certified Life Coach? Please send your questions to kari@heykarianne.com OR submit via the “Ask Kari” page at heykarianne.com.