The holiday season can be filled with many of our favorite things, but it can also mean taking on too much, navigating family dynamics, trying to make the celebration magazine-worthy, and overspending, among others. Rather than answer just one question, here are a few questions pulled from coaching sessions during the holidays.

“I am so overwhelmed with all the extra things to do. How do I find more time?”

In addition to everyday life, the holidays can mean adding time for decorations, gifts, hosting, cleaning, baking, cards, events, parties, school programs and more. It’s common to end up thinking that it’s too much. Maybe this has you frozen and avoiding your task list, or maybe this looks like you are running from one thing to the next all month. 

Even though December still has 24 hours a day, you can reset your approach. The first step is acknowledging that you aren’t actually required to do most of the extra things on your list. 

Revisit your holiday season to-do list. Instead of telling yourself “I have to” for each item, be intentional about deciding which things you are choosing and why. For example, I don’t have to send any cards this season, but I decided that I choose to because I like receiving them and want to stay connected that way. But you might decide that same activity is just not that important or you don’t love your reasons for choosing it. You can cross it off. 

Even if you choose to keep everything on your list, when you “choose to” do something it will likely feel different than when you are thinking you “have to.”

“I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions this year. I’m in a long-term relationship and my partner has asked me to spend part of Christmas with his family, but my own family insists that I be at all of their gatherings too. It doesn’t help that there is significant travel time involved from one place to another. What do I do?”

It makes sense that you might feel like you are in a no-win situation. When you focus on making everyone else happy and managing how everyone else feels, you are apt to set aside what you really want. However, you can’t make other people happy because you can’t control their emotions.

Usually, in situations like this we are looking for an elusive “right” answer that will ensure no one gets upset, but there is no perfect answer. What would you choose if you weren’t worried about everyone else’s opinions and feelings? Get curious. What are your reasons for this choice? Do you stand by and really like your reasons?

With this in mind, you know how to proceed. Despite liking your reasons, others may still disagree with the choice you have made and they may even have strong words and feelings about it, even though some may also have positive emotions and thoughts about your choice. 

Neither of these responses means you have made the right/wrong decision, it just means that other people get to think and feel whatever they want about your choice. The challenge for you will be to be able to stand by your decision while allowing others to have their own emotions even if it is uncomfortable when others are upset.

Do you have a question for a Master Certified Life Coach? Please send your questions to kari@heykarianne.com OR submit via the “Ask Kari” page at heykarianne.com.