One of the most common things clients bring to their coaching sessions is the thought that there is “too much.” They believe they have too many things on their to-do list, too many things left unfinished, and/or too many commitments. 

Depending on how we think about our list of things to do, it can often be easy to end up believing we just can’t get anything done. I’ve certainly had the “too much” thought myself as well. I suspect many of us feel that way at times. 

Recently, I had someone describe this idea of “too much” as being similar to having too many tabs open on her computer, and because she thought there were too many tabs open she felt overwhelmed. She was trying to figure out why she couldn’t seem to finish any of those projects, or in this analogy, close at least some of the tabs. 

I asked her why she had to have all of the tabs open all of the time. And I will admit if my husband happens to be reading this column, that this may seem like an odd question for me to ask since I am someone who likes to leave many tabs open on my internet browser. But, it all depends on how we think about the open tabs. For me, those tabs are like digital sticky note reminders of what I am working on. However, for this individual, the “open tabs” did not represent sticky notes. Instead, she believed she couldn’t close a tab until it was complete, but if she hadn’t fully taken care of a tab she also made it mean “I’m not getting enough done.” 

And when she was thinking that she wasn’t getting enough done, she felt stuck. From that stuck emotion, she was not taking much action on any of the tabs. She was actually doing things that weren’t even on her original schedule, so she was opening up even more tabs. By believing this thought that she wasn’t getting enough done, she ended up blocking herself from finishing the things she most wanted to complete.

Instead of computer tabs, you could also think of the to-dos as large, heavy books. I have a lot of books I want to read and some of them I might benefit from reading soon so that I don’t incur any late fees. However, if I go through my days trying to carry ALL of the heavy books all of the time, it makes it much harder to read any of them or figure out which ones I should start first. 

Our brains frequently turn to this kind of all-or-nothing thinking, but it is often a roadblock. While it may seem like all of the things on our list need to be done right away, when we pause to reconsider, there may be some we can set down for a bit. 

For the woman who had the tabs open, she believed she had to complete all of the things, all the time. If she didn’t finish all of the tasks entirely, she believed it wasn’t enough. But, after questioning which things on her list were truly her priorities, she was able to “bookmark some of those other tabs for later.” She was also able to redefine “enough” and “too much” and you can too. It’s possible she could be doing enough even if she didn’t finish everything right away.

Do you have a coaching question? To have it answered here, submit it via the “Ask Kari” page at heykarianne.com.